Welcome back to the Prosper Stronger Podcast. I'm Elizabeth, and in this episode, I'm going to share with you one of my deepest regrets and why I hope you never experience it yourself.
This is the Prosper Stronger Podcast, a community where LDS women gather to cultivate covenant connections and strive to be devoted disciples of Jesus Christ.
As I've been on this path of drawing closer to God and becoming more of who He needs me to be, there have been times when I've stumbled and I've skipped. Honestly, there are more stumbles than I would like to count. Stumbles like not thinking I'm good enough or that I have anything unique that the Lord needs me to do, like feeling overwhelmed, comparing myself to others, especially other women who seem to be doing amazing things. While also still fitting into size two pants and looking like they just stepped out of a fashion magazine. And stumbles like discouragement, including just wanting to quit all together. And you know, there were so many more and I still stumble even today. But those stumbles remind me of a couple of great talks.
The first was by Peter M. Johnson in October, 2019, General Conference in which he discussed the three Ds or the three ways the adversary loves to attack us. They are through deception, distraction, and discouragement. The second talk was "Your Potential, Your Privileges" by President Uchtdorf. Perhaps you remember the story he told of a man who had saved up to finally have his dream of going on a cruise.
Once on board, he stayed in his cabin nearly the entire trip and ate canned food he brought from home. Sadly, the abundance was there waiting for him. He just hadn't paid attention to the details of his ticket, and he missed out on everything. He didn't venture out of his state room to ask questions, to explore the possibilities, to take in the experience available to him. He made assumptions that kept him from partaking of and enjoying all the abundance that was freely and readily available to him. Perhaps he heard the dinner bell ringing or found messages in his cabin about available activities, but he dismissed them thinking they weren't for him.
I can't help but see myself in this story. All my life, I had tried my best to earn my state room on the cruise ship of life, but I was stuck there eating canned tuna and missing out on wonderful experiences and opportunities because I didn't think I qualified for them. Or in other words, I didn't think they were included in my ticket.
My ticket was to make sure everyone else was enjoying their journey. That was my role. To run myself ragged, trying to do everything the perfectly faithful and obedient daughter, sister, wife, mom, visiting, teacher, member missionary, neighbor, et cetera. What's supposed to do? Ugh, I'm exhausted, just thinking about it all.
I believed for a long time that my life's journey was simply going to be lonely and full of trials. I actually thought that was God's plan for me. To suffer on my own while striving and sacrificing to support and strengthen others. Yes, I was on the cruise ship of the gospel, but no matter how obedient and faithful and cheerful I tried to be, I didn't really believe that God had amazing blessings in store for me, let alone miracles. I felt in bondage to my trials, in bondage to the burdens I was carrying.
I felt victim to the excuses that life is hard and there's a time and season for everything. While there is much truth to these statements, I allowed myself to use them as a crutch. I used them to remain a victim, to remain in bondage to my circumstances, and to the stories I told myself. Stories and lies like, I'm too busy to attend the temple more frequently. Or if I'm a good mom, then I will sacrifice my own wellbeing for that of my family members. Or I have to be perfect or at least look like I've always got it together and I'm not good enough. I used to be beautiful. There's no hope of happiness in my marriage, so I have to keep busy finding ways to fill my own bucket. And God's plan for me is one of never ending trials.
I guess I should be happy that He loves me so much. Finally, I would tell myself, sure, I believe in miracles. I just don't believe God included any miracles in His plan for me. They aren't included in my earth-life ticket. So many times I felt deeply lonely, forgotten, overwhelmed, and entirely weary from the day-to-day demands of my roles from the many hats that women wear.
I looked around to see other women writing books and blogs, hosting fabulous events, taking enchanting trips with their families, baking Pinterest-perfect cakes, creating cute FHE printables, defending families and children at the United Nations making six-figure incomes by sharing life hacks, becoming YouTube sensations, you know, living the dream. And even more than that, living their life mission.
But who was I? Who was Elizabeth? I'm nothing special. No one's special. Sure, I'm a daughter of God, but isn't every other woman and girl I see around me? And aren't they each of divine worth? Just like me? What could I possibly offer to the world? Still, I couldn't help feeling like I was meant to do more. Meant to be more. That God had a mission for me. But I had no idea how I could possibly even imagine fitting another task onto my plate when I was barely keeping my head above water as it was. And though in reality, one of my favorite forms of exercise is treading water, I was tired of feeling like I was stuck and not progressing. I was tired of always having to be the strong one, the faithful one, the cheerful one, you know, the one with the perfect home family and testimony. I figured that life was hard and that was just what I was going to have to accept. I kept looking for, quote, what I needed to learn, thinking that the miracle I hoped for would be just around the corner if I only fasted every other day for a month. Or took the names of 20 ancestors to the temple every week and memorized The Living Christ, the Family Proclamation, and the new Restoration Proclamation - all of which I love by the way. But I thought I had to do all of these things and my kids were supposed to be delighted to join me in all of these things too.
Because that's what a good mom would make happen, wouldn't she? But let's be real. I barely have time to shower. So how am I supposed to be the perfect ministering sister, get my kids everywhere they need to be, have a hot homemade dinner every night, take a stack of my ancestors' names every time I go to the temple, which should be at least every week when they open, of course. Strengthen my marriage. Serve the homeless. Be healthy and wear a size zero while growing all my organic food in my garden. Have my hair and makeup done every time I leave the house. Read the Book of Mormon cover to cover every four months. Prepare engaging and inspiring "Come Follow Me" lessons that my children will remember with fondness for the rest of their lives.
You know what I'm talking about, right? Between you and me, we could probably add another 50 things to this list in no time flat. I had completely bought into the overwhelm, the comparisons, the perfectionism, and the discouragement. All of which are weapons the adversary uses to distract us from the truths. Why? Because he doesn't want us to realize the power and potential we truly have. He lives in fear that we will turn to God, trust Him, and let Him prevail in our lives, because if we do, then the devil knows we will not only feel peace and happiness, we will also be powerful and unstoppable as instruments in the Lord's hands to share the Light of Christ throughout the world.
I know this is true, but I haven't always believed it applied to me. I thought simply surviving was enough, but I couldn't deny the stirrings in my soul, the thoughts that God had something He needed me to do, and it was time to get doing it. I'll never forget that December morning I awoke and it was if the top of my head had been lifted off as God, through the Holy Ghost, was pouring ideas and instructions into my mind. They were flowing so fast and so full that I jumped up and started writing and writing and writing. When the deluge slowed and I sat down my pen, I remembered something I had heard in a talk by Elder Richard G. Scott. So I prayed in gratitude, asked if what I had written was correct and complete, and then asked if there was anything more.
The answer that came next surprised me. It was, "Yes. Now go and tell your sister-in-law and invite her to join you in this project". What? It was 6:00 AM and she had three little boys. Sleep was beyond precious, so I waited a few hours before sharing with her. Thank goodness, when I shared, she caught the vision and we made plans to jump in and start the work.
We were prayerful as the project progressed and morphed and eventually put us in front of multiple audiences, including the SALT retreat. However, there was one piece that was still nagging me. One thing that I had written down that winter morning that hadn't taken action on. Months passed. In another moment I won't ever forget, I was chastised while pondering about this one thing and falling into the habitual default of doubting myself and trying to justify to God why I couldn't do it. At that time, I got a very clear and unmistakable message from the Lord. He told me in no uncertain terms the following; "I have given this assignment and opportunity to you to bless your life and the lives of others, but if you choose not to do it now, I will give it to someone else."
Ouch. It was like a hammer to my heart. I wanted to crawl into a cave and hide. I could picture myself kneeling in front of my Father, knowing there was no way to justify or excuse my behavior. Feeling the intense disappointment. I don't know about you, but for me, knowing that I betrayed myself and disappointed others in the process is one of the very worst feelings ever in that moment.
I felt like I have never felt before. How desperately I wanted to be the one to fulfill the assignment and attain the blessings He offered to me. Yet I am so very sad to say that I didn't. I let distractions, discouragement, and self-doubt win. Now, I'll forever remember that I failed Him. I failed myself.
I missed out on blessings in my own life and blessings for others. And from my understanding of gospel principles, I believe I missed out on additional opportunities that God would have given me if I had made the effort to do what he had required of me then. Since that time, I have made a commitment to myself.
I never want to feel that way again. I never want to disappoint the Lord. I want Him to know, like President Monson shared, "May I always be found on the Lord's errand." I want God to know that if he needs Elizabeth Nielsen to do something, he can count on her to do it.
And I don't want you to have to experience what I did. I don't want you to feel how I have felt. Though, it would be nice to say I have followed every prompting since that time with perfection, I can't say that I have. But I have learned to hear Him more clearly and to act with increased speed while accepting that often it means my efforts are imperfect. I still make mistakes, but I would rather act on a prompting and look like a fool than feel that terrible feeling of regret for disappointing my Father in Heaven. He who loves me perfectly and can see the end from the beginning.
So now you know why I am speaking to you on this podcast. It isn't because I have too much free time or because I believe I have more wisdom or expertise to share than other wonderful women and men. It is because I have felt God telling me to do it. Nagging me even. I've dragged my feet out of fear. But recently as I taught, For what feels like the umpteenth time, the importance of removing fear and replacing it with faith, I was powerfully pricked that now was the time to move past my own fears and make this podcast public.
So please forgive my imperfections, my inaccuracies, and my stumbles. Please accept this podcast for what it is, a humble offering by one who is perfectly imperfect, but who desires to follow Christ and hopefully be found as President Monson said, "Always on the Lord's errand", while striving to do what President Nelson has admonished by trusting in God enough to let him prevail in my life.
Hoping that in doing so, you and many like you will find strength, support, and most especially feel of God's love for you as he launches you on the path of fulfilling your unique mission here on earth. As you strive to let God prevail in your life and increase your faithful actions, president Nelson gives you this promise; "He promises that you will be blessed with additional power to deal with temptation, struggles and weakness. I promise miracles in your marriage, family, relationships, and daily work. And I promise that your capacity to feel joy will increase even if turbulence increases in your life". And as he more recently promised in April conference, he said that as we act in faith, "our faith will always propel us forward. Faith always increases our access to godly power". I could use those blessings. And I'm guessing you could too. But it can be hard to stay strong and focused on your own. That's why I'm glad you are here. I invite you to continue listening as we take this journey together of acting in faith and accessing the power of God more fully in our lives.
Thank you for joining the Prosper Stronger Podcast today. We hope that you have felt inspired and empowered. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to our podcast and share it with your friends and family. I also invite you to join me prosperstronger.com, where you will find free resources to help you grow and learn as well as join in our discussions where we go deeper into some of the things that we talk about here on our podcast. Remember that you are loved and cherished by Heavenly Father who wants you to prosper and thrive. Until next time, may you continue to cultivate covenant connections with God, with others, and with yourself, and find strength in the gospel of Jesus Christ.
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